There is a girl in my school whom I have a crush on. We are more of acquaintances and we occasionally make a little conversation. She isn’t the prettiest or the most popular girl at school but there is something about her that makes my heart beat very fast. I am confused about my feelings – are they real or am I just imagining it? Also, I keep wondering if I should tell her about it or just let things slide and settle with time… What do you feel? Please help. Thanks.
Thank you for writing in and sharing your predicament with me. As confused as you feel, surely you must be feeling quite excited too. What you are experiencing right now is more of an attraction rather than a crush. Prolonged attraction could lead to it becoming a crush but it does not necessarily mean that it should lead into a relationship. You can feel attracted to people’s looks or a personality trait or just their aura and enjoy being around them for just that, while keeping your options open for a more meaningful relationship.
Don’t stress about whether your feelings are real or imagined, you can continue to enjoy them while they last. It might be wiser to wait silently and patiently for now. Observe how long this attraction continues for, without saying anything about how you feel, until you are more sure about yourself and your feelings. You really don’t want to rush into something you are not sure of, as this will only lead to heartbreak and bitter feelings.
The longer you wait for something, the more you will appreciate it when you get it. Because anything worth having is always worth the wait. Meanwhile, focus on yourself, follow your passion and set out to achieve your goals. All the best.
I failed my class nine exam and I feel very bad about it. It is my fault as I got distracted and did not work hard. Although my teachers and parents informed me about the consequences and kept encouraging me to work hard, I took things for granted. I realised too late that I should’ve listened and now I am regretting what I did and should have done. I feel very awkward and uncomfortable in class. My new classmates look down upon me and sometimes make nasty remarks which hurt me. I guess I deserve it but I don’t know how to deal with it. On some days, I just feel like staying home and avoiding everyone. Will the entire year be like this or will it get better?
Thank you for your email and for discussing your situation with me. I am sorry that things did not work out for you and that you realised the consequences of your actions too late. Easier said than done but please do not feel discouraged – FAIL only translates as First Attempt In Learning.
‘Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again. This time more intelligently’ – Henry Ford. Work harder and challenge yourself to do the best you can. Our greatest achievement is in rising every time we fall. You are much wiser now as you have already figured out what not to do. Let the past stay in the past, don’t regret it, just learn from it. Don’t let what you can’t change affect the things you can.
You are much stronger and smarter than you think, always remember that. Be strong – things will get better. It may be stormy now but it never rains forever.
Ignore the nasty comments your classmates make to you – it reveals who they are and not who you are. Keep in mind the quote by Chris Colfer – When people hurt you over and over, think of them as sandpaper. They may scratch you and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.
It is time to rise above all the negativity. Try not to be so hard on yourself and remember that you are unique in your own way. Giving up on your goal just because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat. Just when the caterpillar thought the world was ending, she became a butterfly. Stay strong.
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Until next time, keep challenging yourself to do better!
(Columnist is psychologist and counsellor, currently working as a school counsellor)