Mary Kom’s debate reminds us of challenges facing us too
The nation, it seems, wants to know about Mary Kom’s private life. Ever since the six-time world boxing champion and Olympic medallist appeared on Rajat Sharma’s popular interview show Aap Ki Adalat, the focus shifted from her sporting accomplishments to her equation with her ex-husband. Kom had sharp words to say for her former partner; and the latter later also hit back with his own side of the story, leaving viewers watching in disbelief.
In the first place, one might wonder whether such disproportionate focus should go to the personal life of an athlete who turned grit, discipline and perseverance into a symbol of Indian sporting excellence.
The remarks about her ex-husband drew the spotlight, and shifted the frame from sport (and her political comments) to personal morality and gendered judgement. Mary Kom blasted her ex-husband’s lack of support and personal failings. This fed India’s television-news appetite for private lives over public issues. The focus side-stepped larger questions about sport, power and protest. The media spotlight turned complex sporting issues into a digestible tale of marriage, sacrifice and blame.
In some ways, this might not be surprising. When one partner becomes a public super-achiever, the imbalance can quietly afflict a couple’s relationship. While the 43-year-old boxer from Manipur may have got her minutes of fame for the wrong reasons, a wider issue of concern is the precarious state of marriages and relationships in our times, the second quarter of the twenty-first century.
For long, India has boasted that its divorces have been rather low, compared to global standards. But these are rising steadily. In the US and Europe, a dramatic 40-50% of marriages will end up in divorce over a lifetime. Nearly half of all marriages will not survive. This has to be seen also in the context of delays in getting married, or the reluctance of some younger people to tie the knot.
Metro India has higher rates compared to the country as a whole. In Goa, concern is being voiced both among the elderly (who grew up amidst a different reality) and younger folk (whose friends, sometimes themselves, are afflicted by such issues).
In Goa, the trend is more pronounced: court records show nearly 3,000 divorce petitions filed between 2022 and mid-2025. Both North and South Goa have registered increasing numbers year by year, and an approximate 5% divorce rate in recent reporting, higher than the Indian average of around 1%. We grapple to properly understand its causes; clearly, the politically correct answers are insufficient. There is concern being voiced for this trend. It affects all, regardless of communities; maybe the more affluent get harder hit though. To sit in judgement is easy, but, like a grave illness, a breakdown in a relationship can afflict anyone.
Taking vicarious pleasure in someone else’s marital disputes is an unhealthy form of schadenfreude. It deepens social callousness and trivialises real human pain. Common friends have a big role to play to save marriages. Once in trouble, the couple knows what each one goes through. It’s tough to remain calm and resolve the crisis. More conflict resolution strategies and counselling are needed. Promoting mediation is a positive step. Intervening early is crucial.
In our times, we are more likely to normalise public judgment and turn private conflict into entertainment. But let’s recognise that marital struggles are complex and personal. Treating others’ vulnerabilities with respect safeguards both their dignity and our own emotional maturity.
