Original Konkani Story: Kallazantlem Koos
Author: Kiran Mhambre
Translator: Gauravi Keni Khaunte
Our house was always heavy with tension. Baba would refuse to speak once he was home and would sleep off without uttering a word. His tell-tale red eyes would give away the anger brewing inside him. Despite this, I said one day, “Baba, your eyes are red”.
“I have Raktapitta””, he replied. I didn’t know what that meant but I did realise that Baba was angry and had no intention of speaking with me…
Aai on the other hand, always spoke fondly with me. I often wondered why Ajji constantly bickered with her. She would constantly curse Aai through the day, whisper cruel jabs behind her back and contort her jaw with anger…I was lost as to why she behaved like this. As if this wasn’t enough, she poured water all over the lit kitchen hearth when Aai wasn’t around. When Aai walked into the kitchen she was shocked to find the fire doused and the hearth damp. She was forced to light the fire from scratch. Aai grumbled with rage, who wouldn’t? That was enough for Ajji to launch a verbal tirade.
Just then, Baba came home. Ajji complained about Aai with scathing words and Baba’s eyes flared red in an instant. Had Baba asked me, I would’ve told him the truth behind it all, but Baba was least interested in getting to the truth of what had transpired, all he wanted was peace once he walked home, and the lack of it often bothered him. He couldn’t snap at Ajji, she was his mother, or perhaps he didn’t want to, so he would lash out at Aai. I wonder if he expected anything else from Aai?
It dawned upon me that I was upset with Baba on that fateful day because of his behavior towards Aai. I was, after all, a child then and failed to realise it. A hawker selling bangles had stopped by that day, and sweet Aai picked out some bangles and asked Baba for money. There was no reason whatsoever for Baba to get agitated. Baba would fume silently in anger, this was his demeanor. Aai’s request for money was met with silence. She waited for Baba to hand over some money, when he didn’t she asked again. Baba ignored her request and began a rant about something else altogether, he held aai by the hand and dragged her inside. Aai had burnt her hand a few days back, when Baba dragged her, the skin around the wound peeled off and her hand bled profusely. Tears welled up in my eyes when I saw this , “Aai Aai!”, I exclaimed and rushed off to hug her. Aai was sitting bowed down with her injured hand clutched tight, she raised her head when she saw me and held me close. “Don’t worry my child, nothing will happen to me”, she said. There was no trace or inkling of anger in her voice.
She must have been hurting, but she didn’t cry. Aai never did. Even then, she understood how frightened I was for her well-being and, somehow, found the strength to console me instead. It’s painfully ironic that I failed to look out for her, lost in my ignorance, even after Tai’s attempts to warn me.
There was a Krishna Temple in our neighbourhood, back then, there were some festivities in progress at the temple, Ajji would partake in them, however, that fateful day, she didn’t go. My friends were all at the temple so I was playing alone in the courtyard at the back of our house. As usual, Aai had walked upstairs after finishing her chores. That is when I saw Ajji in the kitchen. She was cutting up coconut slivers with a sickle. Ajji never stepped into the kitchen, Aai did all the work so naturally, I was surprised to see her slicing coconut slivers, and with a sickle at that! Aai would have used the Aadoli, the kitchen chopper.
Ajji wanted me around. “After all, you are the torchbearer of the family line”, Aai said one day. I realised later though, that Ajji only needed me for selfish reasons, perhaps torchbearer translated to being the future bread earner of the family.
Ajji called me into the kitchen. “Wash up and come”, she said. I did so. She placed some sugar coated coconut slivers in my hand which I gobbled. She then placed a paper packet with some coconut slivers in my hand, “give this to your mother, tell her it is prasad, part of the sacred offering”, she said.
I went to Aai with the packet in no time, maybe, a part of me was hoping that this offering would signal a truce between the both of them. I wonder why the alarm bells in my head didn’t ring as I knew Ajji hadn’t been to the temple that day, where had the prasad come from then? I couldn’t draw a connection between the coconut slivers she had offered me and the packet of sacred offering she placed in my hand.
I placed the packet in Aai’s hands and said, “Ajji has sent some prasad for you”.
“Did Ajji go to the temple?”, Aai asked as she opened the packet. The coconut slivers inside it were coated with something akin to soot. That is when it struck me that Ajji hadn’t been to the temple that day. “Did you eat the prasad?”, Aai asked before I could frame a sentence.
“Yes.”
And just like that, the question about Ajji visiting the temple was left unanswered.
Aai wiped the soot off the coconut slivers and ate them, assuming they were prasad.
I spent the afternoon waiting for Aai to be done with her afternoon siesta so she would make me a snack.
Aai woke up, she would now make tea and then get on with the evening chores. She held my hand whilst climbing downstairs. Suddenly she exclaimed, “oh dear god!,” and sat down.
I didn’t understand what was happening, “what happened?”, I asked.
Aai clutched her stomach and muttered “call Akka”, with great difficulty. By the time I rushed back with Akka she was wriggling with pain. Akka raised a cry of alarm and immediately a few neighbours gathered. Someone called a doctor.
“You didn’t try to do anything untoward, did you?” asked the doctor whilst he loaded his syringe. Aai shook her head in response, saying no, and she lost consciousness thereafter.
Aai never came back to her senses.
“She poisoned herself”, a murmur passed through the crowd. I was sobbing uncontrollably, I wanted my Aai.
Baba ajo came, “you failed me my child,” he said whilst he collapsed into sobs. Aai Ajji was mad with grief. Tai had asked me to take care of Aai. I couldn’t meet her eyes, afraid I would be met with anger.
Aai died unnaturally, and still, nothing changed. If anything, Baba’s load of societal duties eased. My grandfather assumed that, unable to bear any more harassment from Ajji, Aai had killed herself. After Aai’s death Baba ajo took me with him. Our grandparents were our parents now. They took care of all our needs and yet, I felt a constant prickle in my heart.
The day I stood first in the SSC examination rank, Baba ajo cried again, “my child would’ve gone mad with joy!”. I was restless though, devoid of any happiness for having stood first. I was invested in studying and studying only. What use were my merit scoring brains when they abandoned me of wisdom when it mattered?
Tai went on to become a doctor. Baba ajo found a suitable match for her. Baba and Ajji attended the wedding like any other guest would. I travelled for higher studies and returned only after attaining a degree. That’s when Baba ajo said, “Go home once atleast”.
Honestly, my grandfather held a grudge against my father, he always wondered why he never stood up to Ajji’s antics but he believed it was his duty to keep us in touch, and so, I went. Ajji had aged, yet she appeared robust. She cooked by herself now. Whilst eating, Ajji said, “it took you all these years to come see your father?, stay here now.”
“You didn’t think of checking on me either, did y’all”?, I snapped.
Baba glanced at me sideways, anger flashing in his eyes. Snapping at Ajji was nothing short of a crime according to him.
Ajji wasn’t one to let you have the last word, “Your Ajo took you with him, didn’t they know you had a father here after your mother passed”?, she asked. “You didn’t stop me either, you didn’t even think of calling me back”, I replied. I was beyond caring for Baba’s anger, frankly, I was angry with him.
“You needed an invite back home from me”? Ajji said, “This! This is what your mother has taught you. She died but not before she planted a seed of distrust in your mind”. Baba stopped eating and left the table. I was burning with rage after Ajji’s accusations too, “You never wanted her around, that’s why she died”, I finally unleashed years of pent up anger.
Ajji went berserk, it wasn’t something new, I had witnessed her maniacal rage as a child many times, but she hadn’t changed at all.
“What do you mean by that?, are you implying I killed her?” Ajji exclaimed thunderously. That was all it took to ignite the fire in me.
“Weren’t you the one to give her the coconut slivers covered in soot? I had seen you chopping them up myself!”. I lashed out unknowingly and that is when the severity of the truth hit me. It was all too real now.
“Who told you I poisoned her?”Ajji hissed curses at that unknown person. “Whoever dares to malign my name will also meet their death by consuming poison”, she exclaimed, forgetting that these allegations were made by her grandson himself. “That powder was given to me by Maharaja, who claimed it would cure a fault in her which compelled her to fight with me, that is exactly what I gave her that day”, she said.
At least she had confessed to adding something to the coconut slivers. I felt relentless jabs in my heart and it bled in silent rivers. A tumultuous tide of emotions rose from my gut. Who was I to point fingers at Ajji? I carried the burden of fault alone. Despite Tai’s explicit warning, I didn’t think it was important to inform Aai that Ajji hadn’t gone to the temple that day.
I had served, with my very own hands, poison on a dish to my Aai.
( The End )
