With January 2 observed as World Introvert Day, NT BUZZ learns what this often-misunderstood lot wish, people understood better about them
NT BUZZ
“I wish people would stop asking me if I have friends or not and saying that staying at home will make me sick,” laments *Sanket Lolitkar from Porvorim.
An introvert by nature, Lolitkar finds solace in cocooning at home whenever possible. However, he complains, his friends find it hard to understand this need for being alone.
Indeed, in a world which tends to reward the loud and the flashy, those who shy away from the spotlight, preferring the calm environments are often tagged as strange. In a lot of cases, there is also the tendency to want to change them.
*Priyanka from Bambolim for instance is tired of her family asking her to initiate the conversation to make friends. “I don’t understand why everyone has to have many friends at this age. It is quite a hassle to make small talk just for the sake of being a part of the conversation,” she says.
There is also tendency for people to assume that introverts are quiet because they aren’t confident or have nothing to say, says *Rishab, who hails from Porvorim. “I am tired of hearing people compelling me to talk and accuse me of not participating. It’s my choice and I like being quiet where there is no need for my opinion.”
Another misconception introverts is that they are pushovers who don’t have opinions. says *Lina D’Souza from Caranzelem. “In reality they have enough going on in their lives to keep them busy. They nderstand that it’s no use saying anything in some situations and generally just mind their own business.”
*Kumar from Dona Paula agrees. “If I have to be in company, I can be. But if I have a choice I would choose solitude. I am asked to come for large gatherings where there is no meaningful outcome when I would rather utilise my time alone better or spend it with people I am really comfortable with,” he says. “I am tired of people expecting introverts to find crowds normal and choosing solitude over party as not normal.”
“Some people are energised by meeting other people but some are drained by doing so,” states *Andrew M. from Caranzalem.
Lina echoes this. “Our social battery has infinitely less charge than the average person. That means, we have much less energy to dedicate to social interaction and related tasks than the average person. It also doesn’t help that introverts typically start off on the fringes of social interaction,” she says.
And while most introverts enjoy social media, they are also selective about what they choose to share with the world. In an age where everyone tends to over share on digital platforms, this reticence is also something that is not understood.
“I wished people would stop asking me to show my face on my social media account or even to display pictures on WhatsApp, all the time. People who know me, know how I look,” says Taleigao-based *Megha. In fact, she admits that people often urge her to try to be in the public eye more, something that she dislikes. “I wish people would stop telling me to go on stage, participate in debates and the like,” she says.
Lina too admits that she hates being part of debates or discussions as it is not always easy for her to get her point across succinctly. “People always seem to want to convince me that, what I know, is not actually true because I can’t cite its origins. There are people who can quote from research papers/articles word for word and they tend to be the ones who are heard over others who can talk about findings but aren’t able to remember where they read it from especially under the pressure of a ‘discussion’,” she says.
Andrew reiterates that it is not that introverts do not like social interactions. “Introverts are extroverts with people they feel at peace with,” he says, adding that people need to stop asking introverts “why are you so quiet?” or “why are you always so silent?”. “That just makes one feel more awkward and out of place,” he says.
And there are plenty of positives of being an introvert. For one, says psychologist, Silver Linings: Guidance & Counselling Centre, Margao, Shobhika Jaju, they tend to be more reflective, and introspective which gives them the ability to process their thoughts more deeply. “As they like to spend time in small and intimate circles, introverts also tend to have deeper, more meaningful relationships,” she says. Introverts, she adds, also tend to come across as calm and composed, have higher self awareness and have the innate ability to engage in deliberate thought work.
“We must not feel that introverted-ness is a negative trait, because it isn’t. In a world where we automatically reward extroverted-ness, it’s natural to view introverted-ness as a weakness but it is a strong strength and one which must not be traded over for anything else,” she says. “As a society, we should let people be themselves and embrace their personality traits.”
(*Names changed as introverts hate attention)
(With inputs from Christine Machado and Kalyani Jha)
