Original Konkani Story: Kallazantlem Koos
Author: Kiran Mhambre
Translator: Gauravi Keni Khaunte
There’s been a perpetual prickling pain in my heart ever since I was eight or ten years old. I should have known what Tai knew. Tai was all but two years older than me. Even then, I wonder how she understood so much whilst all I cared for was play.
“We are blessed for we are a complete family”, Aai’s aunt, Kaki, had stated. But that didn’t stop what was about to unfold. What use was the family? Aai left us, and in a manner that she shouldn’t have in. With Aai gone, Tai and I were left behind without a mother and ever since then, I was left feeling a constant prickling ache in my heart.
Who knows how Tai had it figured out that day? She used to live at our grandparents’ home. She was cherished by our Aai-ajji and Baba-azo. They kept her with them so she could study in a bigger school. Aai was our grandparents’ only daughter. She often said, “After fourth standard, I’ll send you to your grandparents’ too. Both of you will receive a good education there.”
My grandparents’ live in the city. Needless to say, there are better educational facilities there. Aai also believed that children often flourished better amidst other children. Here, in the rural recesses, we lacked opportunities. Aai didn’t want us to be big fish in a small pond, she believed we needed peers who challenged us to do better and didn’t want us to settle into comfort zones.
Besides, Aai believed that in a city, one can enroll in various courses or learn a lot more beyond the walls of a school. I don’t know why though, but I always sensed that there was something more to Aai’s desire to convince us in favour of studying in the city. Like my sister, I was fond of Baba-azo as well. I was equally pampered every time I visited them. However, Aai wanted me close to her till I completed the fourth standard, and so she didn’t send me off to their home.
Tai would visit us during the holidays. She was with us that day, in the middle of her holidays, delighted that she had mastered the culinary art of making tea. She pestered Aai to allow her to make the afternoon tea. Tai and I would indulge in heart to heart yapping fests every time she came, so I followed her to the kitchen as well.
Tai made tea and served me and Ajji. She was on her way upstairs with a cup for Aai when Ajji stopped her. “wait wait aah”, Ajji said. Tai stopped short and looked at Ajji, with surprise evident on her face. “Wait”, Ajji called out again as she walked into her room. Tai stood rooted to the spot, with tea in her hands, wondering why she had stopped her. Ajji emerged from her room with a small folded paper pudi. She then poured the contents of that pudi into the tea that was meant for Aai and said, “Maharaja has given this holy ash, swear by your mother that you will not utter a word of this to her”, she said.
Tai hesitated, but she was afraid of Ajji, and that fear held her tongue. She couldn’t summon up the courage to ask her for details. I was busy observing them, although I had no clue as to what was going on. Tai walked upstairs with the tea but in complete silence. Lost in my thoughts, I followed her as well.
Aai was waiting for her, but Tai did not hand over the tea cup to Aai. She put her hand to her mouth, silently asking Aai to keep quiet and beckoned her over with a subtle hand gesture. Confused and ignorant yet again, I just stared at them. Tai gently nudged Aai to the window along with her and poured the tea out silently. I was utterly lost, however, I remembered the holy ash that Ajji had added to the tea when Tai threw it out. I snuck in the middle of Aai and Tai to take a look at the charcoal black powder that was left at the bottom of the cup.
I looked at Tai and Aai who were silently exchanging knowing glances.Nobody spoke a word. Aai pulled Tai aside and bristled, “This was bound to be your fate after mine”, she stated.
I was lost, even then, I didn’t know what Aai was implying. However, it was beginning to dawn upon me that Aai was intentionally keeping Tai away from this house for some unmentionable reason.
As Tai left at the end of her holidays, she softly said, “Babu, Take care of Aai okay?”.
I was flustered. What did she mean? Why hadn’t she warned me clearly? I felt as if I was entrusted with a huge responsibility.
I loved my Baba but I was scared of his red eyes. All day long Ajji would bicker with Aai, constantly picking on her and no sooner was Baba at the door, than she would start a string of complaints about Aai. Baba’s eyes would then turn all shades of fiery red and he would seize any excuse to lash out at Aai.
Our house was always heavy with tension. Baba would refuse to speak once he was home and would sleep off without uttering a word. His tell-tale red eyes would give away the anger brewing inside him. Despite this, I said one day, “Baba, your eyes are red”.
“I have Raktapitta””, he replied. I didn’t know what that meant but I did realise that Baba was angry and had no intention of speaking with me…
Aai on the other hand, always spoke fondly with me. I often wondered why Ajji constantly bickered with her. She would constantly curse Aai through the day, whisper cruel jabs behind her back and contort her jaw with anger…I was lost as to why she behaved like this. As if this wasn’t enough, she poured water all over the lit kitchen hearth when Aai wasn’t around. When Aai walked into the kitchen she was shocked to find the fire doused and the hearth damp. She was forced to light the fire from scratch. Aai grumbled with rage, who wouldn’t? That was enough for Ajji to launch a verbal tirade.
Just then, Baba came home. Ajji complained about Aai with scathing words and Baba’s eyes flared red in an instant. Had Baba asked me, I would’ve told him the truth behind it all, but Baba was least interested in getting to the truth of what had transpired, all he wanted was peace once he walked home, and the lack of it often bothered him. He couldn’t snap at Ajji, she was his mother, or perhaps he didn’t want to, so he would lash out at Aai. I wonder if he expected anything else from Aai?
(To be continued…)
