When love trumps all

Ahead of International Day of Families, May 15, NT NETWORK explores how interfaith and cross-cultural couples in Goa have let love lead the way

CHRISTINE MACHADO | NT NETWORK

For a long time — and in many cases, even now — families were expected to share common roots, beliefs, and ideals. Those of marriageable age were often expected to find partners within the same community — region, religion, and, in India especially, caste.

But in recent decades, things have begun to change. Finding a life partner is no longer strictly bound by these traditional expectations, leading to the rise of more
diverse families.

Goa, too, has seen marriages between people from different regions and religions. And while the state is known for its open-mindedness, such unions aren’t always easily accepted by families or society.

Some couples have had a relatively smooth journey toward acceptance; others have faced opposition and social judgment before getting their happily-ever-after. A few couples in Goa share their stories with us.

Satbir Prabhu and
Vitney D’Souza Prabhu

When Satbir Prabhu met Vitney at a South Goa resort where they both worked, he was instantly drawn to her simplicity and straightforward nature.

“I must admit, I had to pursue her quite a bit before she finally gave in,” he chuckles. “But once we connected, there was a natural comfort and compatibility. That’s when we knew this was something different — the start of a conversation we could continue forever.”

Religion, he says, was never a conflict, as both respected each other’s beliefs and found joy in their differences. “Early on, we decided to continue following our own religions. There was no pressure to change who we were. What mattered was mutual respect and understanding that both our faiths were equally important,” he explains.

This foundation gave them the confidence to share their relationship with their families. While their immediate families were supportive, some extended relatives were hesitant. “Naturally, when two belief systems are involved, concerns arise,” he says.

They also faced passive criticism. “We’ve seen that people usually preach open-mindedness, but don’t always apply it in their own lives. There were indirect remarks questioning whether such a marriage could ‘work long-term’. Ironically, those same people support the “idea” of unity, but hesitate when it’s close to home.”

Through it all, the couple stayed focused on their happiness and stood by each other. They were married in both Hindu and Catholic traditions and recently became parents to
 a baby boy.

Prabhu says adaptation in marriage is an ongoing process. After living independently for two and a half years, they bought a home where his parents now live with them.

All along they’ve made it a point to honour each other’s religious practices. Though from a Hindu Brahmin background, Prabhu was exposed to Roman Catholic traditions from a young age. “Growing up, we took part in carol singing, decorating Christmas trees, Our Lady feast processions, evening rosaries, and even the occasional mass,” he says.

He credits his grandmother for teaching him to respect all faiths. “She believed that no matter the religion, if your actions are good and you’re kind in God’s eyes, you’re on the
right path.”

Today, with Vitney, he’s come to understand her beliefs more deeply. “She’s equally respectful of mine. We celebrate both traditions with enthusiasm and heart.”

Interfaith relationships, he says, require patience, understanding, and maturity. “But it’s not about changing one another — it’s about growing together. While the world may have its opinions, what truly matters is the peace and happiness you create at home.”

Naguesh Karpani and
Melantha Fernandes

Naguesh Karpani and Melantha Fernandes first met in 2010 while studying at the same college. “Though we knew each other as classmates, we became close through a mutual friend,” says Karpani. Over time, love blossomed, and the two began dating in 2013.

“When we started dating, we didn’t think much about our different religions. We respected each other, and that was key,” he says. Fortunately, their families were completely accepting of their relationship.

“Our parents never questioned us or imposed anything on us. They accepted us as we were,” he adds.

Karpani believes parental support is essential for the happiness of inter-religious couples. “It’s much easier when parents understand and support their children. While it can be hard for them, their blessings make everything fall into place.”

After 10 years of dating, the couple got married. “For the legal marriage, it was just standard paperwork. For the religious ceremony, we were married in church, and the priest was very welcoming. He explained the rituals and guided us without stress,” Karpani shares.

Since then, they’ve made it a point to be part of each other’s religious traditions. “She takes part in Hindu customs like pujas, haldi-kumkum, Diwali, and Ganesh Chaturthi. I do my part as well and continue to learn and grow into the new culture,” Karpani says.

When it comes to raising children, the couple is clear on their approach. “We’ve decided to teach our children about both religions. The choice of faith will be theirs when they grow up — but above all, we want to raise them to be good human beings.”

Snehal Raikar and Sarfraz Khan

When Snehal Raikar and Sarfraz Khan realised they liked each other, Raikar admits she was initially unsure whether it would work out, given their different faiths. The two met through mutual friends in college on her birthday in 2009. “For Sarfraz it was a ‘my heart skipped a beat moment’, but when I heard him sing for me on the stage, I had butterflies in my stomach,” she says. However, the couple only began dating in 2011.

“We decided to see how it would go and soon realised we were very comfortable with each other,” she shares.

In 2018, they decided to get married. “Convincing my mother was a challenge at first. She asked if I was sure and advised me to take a year to think it over. But I was confident. Convincing my father would have been tougher, but my mother did it for me,” says Raikar.

Their parents eventually came on board, but the couple faced unwelcome remarks from others. “People told me things like, ‘He’ll put you in a burkha’, or ‘He’ll convert you — that’s what Muslims do’,” she says. While such comments can linger, Raikar stresses the importance of standing strong together and knowing what you want.

They had a civil marriage followed by a reception. “I made it clear from the beginning that I wouldn’t convert, and my husband respected that. He never forced anything on me,” she says.

After the wedding, some of his relatives raised the issue of conversion and their future children’s faith. “But my husband stood by me. He told them he had given me his word and would honour it,” says Raikar.

Today, the couple respects each other’s beliefs. “We believe in God’s blessings and celebrate both our festivals at home,” she says.

Their son is free to visit both temple and mosque, but their focus is on raising him to be a good human being. “Just like in a friendship, you accept each other, celebrate together, and don’t impose — it’s the same here,” she says.

Rohit Naik and Uranita
Andrade e Naik

For Rohit and Uranita, friendship blossomed into love over time. “We used to hang out with friends often, and then we realised there was something more,” shares Uranita. While their siblings were the first to learn about their relationship, telling their parents wasn’t easy. “We didn’t think they would understand,” says Uranita.

They faced some negativity and opposition, with relatives advising Uranita not to trust Rohit and friends doubting his commitment. However, after Naik introduced her to his family, they eventually accepted her. Despite the challenges, they focused on their relationship and ignored outside opinions. “Respect for each other makes everything easier,” says Uranita.

The couple married in both Hindu and Catholic traditions. After the marriage, Uranita was excited to learn more about his faith, just as he learned about hers.

“I love how we come together to celebrate Ganesh Chaturthi, Diwali, and Christmas,” she says.

Continued from P 1

Ray Vaz and Yachika Chopra e Vaz

It was a mutual friend’s wedding that brought Yachika Chopra, who hails from Punjab, and Ray Vaz together. What began as a casual meeting soon turned into a lasting connection — but the road to acceptance wasn’t without hurdles.

“His family was okay,” recalls Yachika, “but mine was a little apprehensive.” Questions loomed: Would she convert? Could she adjust to another faith?

These concerns were addressed with honesty. “We spoke about it… I was clear that I wouldn’t want to convert,” she says. Her partner and his family fully supported her. “They didn’t want me to convert just for marriage.”

When they tied the knot, the couple crafted a celebration that honoured both traditions. Over three days, they blended Catholic and Punjabi customs — from church ceremonies to traditional Indian functions.

But there were cultural hiccups. “We booked a dhol for the baraat, but a Catholic marching band turned up instead!” Yachika laughs. Yet, such moments became cherished memories of two worlds coming together.

Both families were enthusiastic about the experience. “His family loved the Punjabi rituals, and mine enjoyed the Catholic wedding,” she shares.

Post-marriage, their commitment to balance continued. “We celebrate both Christmas and Diwali. Instead of saying ‘this isn’t mine, we say, ‘more to celebrate!’” she smiles. “Religion has always guided me, not led me.”

Crucial to this harmony, she says, is communication. “If I don’t understand Good Friday, I ask. We watch movies about it. He does the same for my rituals.”

Yachika believes in showing up for each other’s traditions. “That’s how ignorance fades, and empathy grows.”

Though societal prejudices still exist, she responds with calm logic. “I ask — how does calling Jesus my god change who I am to you?”

And to those who doubt interfaith unions, she offers a simple analogy: “If you’re in an accident and need blood, are you going to ask what religion it came from?”

Her advice to other couples navigating interfaith relationships? “Take time to reflect, communicate openly, learn from each other — and most importantly, be present in each other’s journeys.”

(As told to Sailee Naik)

Jyoti Dhond and Desmond D’ Costa

Jyoti Dhond believes it was destiny that led her to Desmond D’Costa. Born in Africa, D’Costa moved to Goa at the age of seven and spent much of his youth in Mumbai. The two met during the student movement in Goa in the 1980s and remained friends for several years before realising their bond was something more.

“I was the only daughter in a Saraswat Brahmin family, and my parents were already receiving marriage proposals for me,” shares Dhond. “I kept turning them down, but I knew it wouldn’t be easy for them to accept this relationship.” When she finally told them, her parents were reluctant, despite already knowing D’Costa.

It was her brother who took the initiative to talk to them and help them understand. Similarly, Desmond’s mother had her concerns, but his brother helped her come around.

“The two of us also had honest conversations about what we could and couldn’t adjust to. That clarity is very important — couples need to know and respect each other’s boundaries,” she says.

They opted for a civil marriage and reception. Some relatives voiced their disapproval, and a few even boycotted the wedding. “I don’t blame them. They came from a different era and mindset. You have to accept that graciously and still respect them — they are family,” Dhond says.

Since then, the couple has shared and respected each other’s faiths. “I was never asked to convert. We’ve always celebrated all our festivals together. I go to church with him; he comes to the temple with me,” she adds. “What matters most is love, trust, understanding — and above all, mutual respect.”

Their son was never baptised. “We decided to raise him as a good human being, with the best of both religions.”

“Some said our marriage wouldn’t last more than three months,” she smiles. “It’s been 33 years now, and we’re still going strong.”

Renfred D’Cruz and Varsha Hatkar

Renfred D’Cruz and Varsha Hatkar’s friendship began in higher secondary school. While D’Cruz developed feelings for her over time, he kept them to himself initially, fearing their different faiths might create issues. “I didn’t want to lose her friendship,” he says.

A close friend eventually helped Hatkar discover his feelings, and they became a couple.

Telling their parents presented challenges. “I told my mother first, and she became emotional, especially since I’m her only son. But with time, she understood that it was about my happiness. My father was okay with it,” shares D’Cruz.

Hatkar’s mother was initially hesitant but accepted the relationship over time. “I visited their home often, so she knew me well,” says D’Cruz, noting they didn’t face negative comments from extended family or friends, who advised them to hold on to their love despite the challenges.

The couple got married civilly under the Special Marriage Act and had a wedding in both Catholic and Hindu traditions. After their Hindu wedding, they will be wed in church today. “The priest explained there are two options: one where the non-Catholic converts, and another where no conversion takes place, meaning some aspects of the traditional Catholic wedding are omitted,” explains D’Cruz, adding that they chose the latter option.

While some families may struggle with interfaith marriages, D’Cruz believes it’s important for parents to focus on their children’s happiness. “I don’t judge their hesitation, but I hope they can sit down and discuss it to make it work,” he says.