NT BUZZ
Journalist and author of ‘White Lilies: An Essay on Grief’, Vidya Krishnan, was in conversation with counselling psychologist and writer Charlene Farrell at a session held during the ongoing Goa Arts and Literature Festival. The discussion explored grief, loss, and how these emotions shape both personal and
social realities.
The book draws from Krishnan’s own experiences of loss, one caused by a road rage incident and another due to old age. It looks at death as an inevitable part of life and the many forms grief can take. Through her writing, Krishnan also reflects on the self, the nation, and life in a city like Delhi.
At the session, she said grief has become so normalised in everyday life that she felt compelled to write about it. “When you write about this emotion, you have to look at power structures. Who gets to grieve, who gets to cry, who gets to fall apart. This lack of compassion comes from the fact that we are unkind to ourselves.”
Krishnan added that grief is often mistaken for sadness or anger. She also spoke about giving voice to those who are rarely heard. “When grief comes, there is politics in whose grief is remembered. We build museums and make films about some tragedies but the destruction of Gaza is usually made invisible because it is called a complex conflict. Who gets to be emotional is political,” stated Krishnan. “It is important to be clear about what you want to say and what your politics is when you look at someone’s pain. I hope this book helps readers think about their own politics around grief.”
The book also looks at roads as spaces of everyday violence, especially in cities like Delhi. And Krishnan spoke about how power on the road is shaped by the size and status of a vehicle. She added that there is no real difference between bad driving in Delhi, Mumbai, Bengaluru or Goa, because the result is the same. “Someone dies. That is the bottom line. But even one person following the rules can create a ripple effect and make others slow down,” she said.
Reflecting on her own journey, Krishnan said grief first appeared as rage and bitterness. “I did not want grief to turn me into an angry person. It took a lot of work to live with it. You carry it for life and begin to see it in others too,” she said, adding that people feel uncomfortable around those who are grieving.
She also said that society pushes people to move on too quickly after a loss, leaving little room for real healing. Grief, she said, is rarely given patience and people compare whose pain is worse. “Talking about things that make us uncomfortable will help us understand grief better, because sooner or later all of us will face it,” she said.
