Across daily life and moments of emotion, everyday people and professionals reveal how self-talk plays a larger role than we realise
VINIKA VISWAMBHARAN | NT BUZZ
Most people have done it at least once. Whispering through a decision. Rehearsing a conversation aloud. Offering oneself reassurance in a moment of doubt. In a culture that often equates silence with composure, speaking to oneself may seem unusual, and often times embarrassing or downright quirky. For those who do it regularly, however, self-talk is less an oddity and more an intimate tool for making sense of the world.
For Aditya A Godbole, a resident of Ponda, the habit began a few years ago. “The thoughts rattling around in my mind were better off expressed rather than left to fester,” he says, explaining what prompted him to start speaking his thoughts aloud.
His self-talk, he says, is “largely supportive and encouraging”, though it can also be “analytical, critical and playful”. For him, the act of verbalising thoughts serves a practical purpose. “It often helps me focus and regain my composure,” he explains. Rather than being constant, it appears in moments of intensity, usually when he is passionate about certain topics.
“It mostly happens when I’m alone and do not see this habit as intrusive, much to anyone’s assumption,” says Godbole, adding that it has not affected him socially or professionally. When others overhear him, the interaction is brief and unremarkable. “They ask me whether I said something to them, and I reply with ‘no’.” At times, however, the inner dialogue can sharpen rather than soften emotion. Asked whether it has ever intensified anxiety or self-doubt, he answers, “Sometimes.”
Rebecca Estevens, who lives in Agonda, has been talking to herself for as long as she can remember. “I’ve been doing it since school days,” she says. Growing up as an only child shaped the habit. “When my parents were working I was left alone for some hours. With the absence of smartphones, entertaining yourself became a priority. Talking to myself was one of the ways.”
Unlike a single fixed tone, Estevens describes her self-talk as fluid. “If I’m scared, I encourage myself,” she says. “If I make a mistake, it can start with criticism and then turn into acceptance and comforting words.” At other times, the tone shifts entirely. “When I’m just feeling silly, it’s playful. This way, it helps me manage frustration or embarrassment, and it amplifies positive emotions like excitement and doesn’t let me overthink.”
Speaking thoughts aloud helps her organise what is happening internally. “When I voice out some of my thoughts, it helps me think clearer or reinforce what I’ve been feeling,” she explains.
Socially, Estevens has never felt constrained by the habit. “It usually happens around people I’m comfortable with or when I’m alone,” she says.
From a psychological standpoint, such experiences are well within the range of typical human behaviour. According to psychologist Zeba Shaikh of the COOJ Mental Health Foundation, self-talk should not be viewed in isolation. “Self-talk is an innate human behaviour and cannot be categorised as normal or abnormal on its own,” she says.
She points out that verbalising thoughts can be beneficial. “It can help regulate thoughts and emotions, and allow a person to reflect more effectively on what is bothering them. Speaking aloud can slow internal processes, making emotions and conflicts easier to examine,” says Shaikh.
When concerns about this condition arise, she explains, “It may become an issue when it interferes with day-to-day functioning.” According to Shaikh, warning signs include situations when an individual believes the voice is not their own, receives commands, or is driven by false beliefs such as paranoia or grandiosity. Persistent self-talk that disrupts social interaction may also indicate distress.
“Don’t we all talk to ourselves?” asks another member of COOJ, clinical psychologist (RCI accredited) Chrissie Gomes. She explains that self-talk, whether internal or spoken aloud, is a fundamental cognitive process that supports “thinking, planning, problem-solving, attention and motivation”. “It also aids self-regulation, awareness and reasoning, and varies widely between individuals,” she adds.
Many people, Gomes notes, use self-talk to rehearse difficult conversations, make decisions or practise affirmations. “When self-talk is intentional, grounded in reality and in context, it is not pathological and is often adaptive,” she says. “It can improve performance, focus and confidence.” According to Gomes, even when self-talk becomes more frequent or more negative during periods of stress, isolation or low mood, she reassures that the presence of self-talk in itself is not enough to consider pathology.
When self-talk supports clarity and regulation, it is simply another way of listening to oneself. And sometimes, it even invites connection. Rather than discomfort, it often leads to humour. “Some people offer insights, or it turns into light-hearted teasing,” says Estevens. When asked directly about it, she responds with a characteristic cheek. “Yes, I’m talking to myself, because I’m very entertaining to talk to.”
