Ghosting is often discussed from the perspective of the person who leaves. But it is just as important to acknowledge the experience of the person on the other side
REBECCA COELHO
Ghosting has become a common way of ending friendships, and relationships. It is often defended with statements like, “Nobody owes anyone an explanation”, or “People need to stop feeling entitled to closure”. While there are situations where cutting contact without responding may be necessary, many conversations stop there. There is not much attention given to what ghosting can feel like for the other person when there was no threat, no major conflict, and no indication that the relationship was about to end.
One day someone is part of your everyday life. You talk regularly, make plans, and slowly get used to having them around. Then, without warning, they stop replying. Messages remain unanswered. Calls go unanswered. There is no explanation, no conversation, and no goodbye.
One thing many people struggle with after being ghosted is the uncertainty. Most people try to understand what happened and what went wrong when something ends suddenly. Without an explanation, they often start looking for one themselves. They replay conversations, reread messages, and think about small interactions, wondering whether they said something wrong, replied too late, shared too much, or somehow pushed the other person away. Even if there is no answer to find, the mind keeps searching anyway.
For some people, this continues for weeks or even months. Concentration and even sleep can be affected.
Ghosting can also affect the way a person sees themselves. Instead of thinking that someone chose not to communicate, they often blame themselves. They wonder whether they were too much, not enough, too emotional, too quiet, too available, or not interesting enough. Over time, these thoughts can affect self-esteem. Some start believing they are easy to leave, easy to forget, or that they simply do not matter as much as they thought they did.
For people who already have a fear of abandonment or have experienced rejection in the past, ghosting can bring about anxiety. It may reinforce fears they have been trying to overcome. Instead of seeing it as one person’s decision, it can start feeling like confirmation that everyone eventually leaves. That fear may continue into future relationships, making it difficult to trust people or believe that someone will stay. Some might distance themselves emotionally, avoid becoming vulnerable, or look for signs that someone is losing interest even when nothing is actually wrong. They may overthink changes in texting, delayed replies, or cancelled plans because they are trying to protect themselves from experiencing the same uncertainty again.
Many people also carry a sense of being replaceable. They might feel they are easy to forget and it can lead to them thinking they don’t matter to people.
None of this means that every situation requires an explanation. There are times when ending contact immediately is the safest option, in cases when someone is abusive, threatening, manipulative, or repeatedly ignores boundaries. Nobody should feel pressured to continue communication if doing so puts their well-being at risk.
However, not every situation falls into that category. In many friendships, dating situations, or relationships where there are no safety concerns, disappearing without saying anything can leave the other person carrying questions they cannot answer on their own. A short, respectful message may not take away the disappointment, but it can give the other person clarity instead of uncertainty.
An explanation is not about changing someone’s mind or convincing them to stay. It is about knowing where they stand. Being told that someone no longer wants to continue the relationship can still hurt, but it gives them something honest to process.
While nobody is entitled to another person’s time, affection, or a relationship, it is also worth recognising that communicating what they feel to the person can sometimes prevent them from carrying unanswered questions.
(The writer is assistant professor in M.A. Wellness Counselling at Nirmala Institute of Education)
